Douglas Clay

Profile Updated: November 2, 2019
Residing In Greeley, CO USA
Spouse/Partner Nancy Zon
Occupation Professor/Retired
Military Service Army National Guard  

I live in Colorado and like to hike, ski, bike, camp, backpack, etc. I also practice the piano, guitar, and yoga. I'm a professor emeritus of Computer Science from Aims College.

School Story

Rick and I were walking down the hall that fateful November day when his girlfriend Linda came running up to us in tears and said the President had been shot. Rick and I were in a joking mood. It was Friday and the weekend was looming. Rick, without really looking at her, said in a wisecracking voice, "Yeah, and maybe the Vice President, too." Then life switched into slow motion. I saw Linda's crying face begin to distort and become an angry face. I saw her empty right hand open flat. I saw that hand begin to rise with ever gaining force and speed and smack Rick across his left check. Then she looked up in horror at her handy work and saw a perfect red impression of her hand on his face, which I'm certain remained there the rest of the day.

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Nov 08, 2019 at 9:28 AM

Posted on: Nov 02, 2019 at 12:06 PM

Are you retired and looking for a part-time business opportunity? Would you like to be able to work at home for only 3 hours per day? Would you be interested in getting on the ground floor of a business that The Wall Street Journal and Business Week consider a “company poised for the 21st century?” Well look no further. Here's how it works:

I'll send you a list of phone numbers each month. Your job is to simply call these numbers twice per day randomly between the hours of 1-4 in the afternoon. When the perspective customer answers the phone, simply follow a provided script that offers this deal:

For the low introductory price of $19.95 per month, you will stop calling them. If they do not accept this generous offer, you continue the calls.

My company is called Nap Busters and will be trading on the New York Stock Exchange as soon as I can submit an IPO. This is your chance to get in on the ground floor. It's a tremendous opportunity for you and your family. To enroll, simply send me a non-refundable check for $1000 to cover processing and handling. If you're interested, call 1-800-NAP-BUST. Call now!

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Sep 15, 2019 at 3:37 PM

Posted on: Sep 02, 2019 at 7:38 PM

Last week I hiked to Jewel Lake in Rocky Mountain National Park. Fairly easy 7 mile round trip to this beautiful lake high in the Rockies. Had the place to myself during a short snack before heading back. Another two miles would have taken me to Black Lake above the tree line near 12,000 feet. That's my destination for my next hike. We'll be camping at Aspenglen in the Park for five days. The aspens should be turning and the elk should be rutting.

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Aug 12, 2019 at 1:29 PM

Posted on: Aug 11, 2019 at 9:00 PM

You don't have to be in Who's Who to know What's What.
Bennet Cerf, Random House.

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Aug 24, 2019 at 7:57 PM

Posted on: Aug 02, 2019 at 4:42 PM

At the beginning of every school year the faculty would be herded into a large room and subjected to the pontificates spewed from the Purveyors-of-the-Obvious. This was generally a boring ritual that could only be endured with self-entertainment. One of us would start a story with a couple of sentences on a notepad and then pass it along to the next person who would add a couple sentences or paragraph and then pass it along to someone else. This was a great distraction that sometimes yielded hilarious results. So I'm going to give it a try here with the below sentence. Feel free to add your own twist. Humor is a must and you have my permission for irreverence. The setting is the Evanston of our bygone days.

Two men dressed as drag queens for Halloween were sitting in a booth at Walker Brothers, when Micheal Jackson walked in looking for his other glove....

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Aug 02, 2019 at 9:47 AM
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Aug 02, 2019 at 8:56 PM

Posted on: Jul 29, 2019 at 8:42 PM


Negativity breeds negativity.

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Jul 13, 2019 at 1:01 AM

Posted on: Jul 01, 2019 at 9:47 PM

Easter came late in my backyard. At least for the Easter lilies.

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Jun 28, 2019 at 1:11 PM

Posted on: Jun 27, 2019 at 8:52 PM

Today I rode my bike on the Poudre River Trail on the section that connects Greeley, CO, to Windsor. After cruising through Windsor I came upon a community garden. Pictures below.

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Jun 18, 2019 at 9:16 PM

Posted on: Jun 10, 2019 at 8:02 AM

A visitor from the skies. A red-tailed hawk decided to bring his breakfast to our deck. If you look closely you'll see the remains of a morning dove. Later that day I found the feathers in the backyard. Doves seem to make themselves prey by perching in open places, like on our antenna or roof. Then they attract attention by calling to others. Not a good idea with hawks in the area.

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May 12, 2019 at 11:12 AM

Posted on: May 11, 2019 at 8:26 PM

Nancy and I had a wonderful camping trip to Arches National Park near Moab, UT. The town was fun, too.

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Apr 11, 2019 at 9:45 PM
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Apr 11, 2019 at 9:43 PM
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Apr 09, 2019 at 9:02 PM
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Mar 31, 2019 at 10:41 PM

Posted on: Mar 31, 2019 at 8:33 PM


Why did God make the people you're most apt to murder your relatives?

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Jan 03, 2019 at 9:41 AM

Posted on: Jan 01, 2019 at 10:55 AM

It's that time again when I prove to the world my gift as a prophet and soothsayer. A person with an undeniable track record for looking into the future. I'm certain that this year's predictions will permanently cement my place in history along side such famous names as Nostradamus, Cassandra, and Kukla the hand puppet. Here goes:

Predictions for 2019:

The investigation into Russian interference during the 2016 presidential election will initiate a recount of ballots which will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt Vladimir Putin actually won the election.

The #MeToo movement will shift to men as victims when a young man from a third world county accuses the late Mother Teresa of sexual harassment even though he was born two years after her death.

The New England Patriots will again be accused of cheating when it's discovered that 41 year old quarterback Tom Brady, playing in his 20th year, is actually an android. The real Tom Brady will later be found in Bill Belichick's locker living on donuts while deflating footballs.

In a clever attempt to increase profits, McDonalds will develop an automobile that runs on recycled French fry oil. They will tout the use of this renewable energy source while all along luring customers with the scent of fries emanating from the exhaust of McMobiles.

A caravan of Canadian fur trappers will encroach our northern border in an attempt to enter the country through Minnesota. However once they discover all furs sold in that state are synthetic they will eventually return to Manitoba.

Elon Musk, the founder of the Tesla electric car company, will stop production of the Model 3 and concentrate all the companies resources on a an automobile that runs on marijuana.

Amazon's Alexa Home Security Systems will be hacked by three middle school students in Keokuk, Iowa, who will freeze televisions sets to a Senate hearing probing into the hidden meaning of the Beatles recording of “I want to hold your hand.”

I Can't Believe It's Not Butter will be sued for false advertisement when the Food And Drug Administration proves it actually is butter.

It will be discovered that a certain alum from the class of 1965 entered 12 birth dates in his/her profile in order to receive birthday wishes every month.

Facing bankruptcy Illinois will split into four separate states. Three will be named Rockrollia, Molskina, and Kankasorie. The fourth northeastern part of Illinois will be given to China in a financial move aimed at crippling their economy.

After the Food And Drug Administration declares it a meat, Burger King will offer the Naugahyde Whopper.

A self-driving 1977 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am with a manikin resembling Burt Reynolds at the wheel will race across the South with a trunk full of moonshine. Sally Fields will be arrested when the car parks in her driveway.

That's my predictions and I'm sticking to them. I wish everyone the best in the coming year.

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Jan 01, 2019 at 11:00 PM

Posted on: Dec 31, 2018 at 2:13 PM

Brrr! It's cold outside. Even for the birds. The birdbath has been frozen for a couple of days, yet the woodpeckers have been pecking away at the ice for a sip. This didn't go unnoticed. I purchased a birdbath water heater to keep the water liquid during the winter. What I really created was a birdbath hot tub. Now I have to place small towels on the low branches by the tub. What's next? Jacuzzi jets?

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Oct 11, 2018 at 6:19 PM


Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can be devastating.

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Oct 04, 2018 at 8:24 PM
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Sep 28, 2018 at 8:45 PM

Posted on: Sep 27, 2018 at 8:39 PM

Yesterday we were playing 9 holes at the Estes Park Golf Course when the first tee was invaded by a herd of elk cows being watched over by a 12 point bull. Determined to play, Nancy lined up her shot though the elk hazard, between the bull and cows, past the pond where some were swimming, over the scat rough, onto the fairway for an opportunity at a close approach shot. We left the ball there and went on to the second tee.

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Sep 18, 2018 at 8:39 PM
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