Douglas Clay

Profile Updated: March 31, 2019
Residing In Greeley, CO USA
Spouse/Partner Nancy Zon
Occupation Professor/Retired
Military Service Army National Guard  
Comments

I live in Colorado and like to hike, ski, bike, camp, backpack, etc. I also practice the piano, guitar, and yoga. I'm a professor emeritus of Computer Science from Aims College.

School Story

Rick and I were walking down the hall that fateful November day when his girlfriend Linda came running up to us in tears and said the President had been shot. Rick and I were in a joking mood. It was Friday and the weekend was looming. Rick, without really looking at her, said in a wisecracking voice, "Yeah, and maybe the Vice President, too." Then life switched into slow motion. I saw Linda's crying face begin to distort and become an angry face. I saw her empty right hand open flat. I saw that hand begin to rise with ever gaining force and speed and smack Rick across his left check. Then she looked up in horror at her handy work and saw a perfect red impression of her hand on his face, which I'm certain remained there the rest of the day.

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Apr
11
Apr 11, 2019 at 9:45 PM
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Apr
09
Apr 09, 2019 at 9:02 PM
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Mar
31
Mar 31, 2019 at 10:41 PM

Posted on: Mar 31, 2019 at 8:33 PM

THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

Why did God make the people you're most apt to murder your relatives?

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Jan
03
Jan 03, 2019 at 9:41 AM

Posted on: Jan 01, 2019 at 10:55 AM

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!
It's that time again when I prove to the world my gift as a prophet and soothsayer. A person with an undeniable track record for looking into the future. I'm certain that this year's predictions will permanently cement my place in history along side such famous names as Nostradamus, Cassandra, and Kukla the hand puppet. Here goes:

Predictions for 2019:

The investigation into Russian interference during the 2016 presidential election will initiate a recount of ballots which will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt Vladimir Putin actually won the election.

The #MeToo movement will shift to men as victims when a young man from a third world county accuses the late Mother Teresa of sexual harassment even though he was born two years after her death.

The New England Patriots will again be accused of cheating when it's discovered that 41 year old quarterback Tom Brady, playing in his 20th year, is actually an android. The real Tom Brady will later be found in Bill Belichick's locker living on donuts while deflating footballs.

In a clever attempt to increase profits, McDonalds will develop an automobile that runs on recycled French fry oil. They will tout the use of this renewable energy source while all along luring customers with the scent of fries emanating from the exhaust of McMobiles.

A caravan of Canadian fur trappers will encroach our northern border in an attempt to enter the country through Minnesota. However once they discover all furs sold in that state are synthetic they will eventually return to Manitoba.

Elon Musk, the founder of the Tesla electric car company, will stop production of the Model 3 and concentrate all the companies resources on a an automobile that runs on marijuana.

Amazon's Alexa Home Security Systems will be hacked by three middle school students in Keokuk, Iowa, who will freeze televisions sets to a Senate hearing probing into the hidden meaning of the Beatles recording of “I want to hold your hand.”

I Can't Believe It's Not Butter will be sued for false advertisement when the Food And Drug Administration proves it actually is butter.

It will be discovered that a certain alum from the class of 1965 entered 12 birth dates in his/her profile in order to receive birthday wishes every month.

Facing bankruptcy Illinois will split into four separate states. Three will be named Rockrollia, Molskina, and Kankasorie. The fourth northeastern part of Illinois will be given to China in a financial move aimed at crippling their economy.

After the Food And Drug Administration declares it a meat, Burger King will offer the Naugahyde Whopper.

A self-driving 1977 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am with a manikin resembling Burt Reynolds at the wheel will race across the South with a trunk full of moonshine. Sally Fields will be arrested when the car parks in her driveway.

That's my predictions and I'm sticking to them. I wish everyone the best in the coming year.

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Jan
01
Jan 01, 2019 at 11:00 PM

Posted on: Dec 31, 2018 at 2:13 PM

Brrr! It's cold outside. Even for the birds. The birdbath has been frozen for a couple of days, yet the woodpeckers have been pecking away at the ice for a sip. This didn't go unnoticed. I purchased a birdbath water heater to keep the water liquid during the winter. What I really created was a birdbath hot tub. Now I have to place small towels on the low branches by the tub. What's next? Jacuzzi jets?

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Oct
11
Oct 11, 2018 at 6:19 PM

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can be devastating.

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Oct
04
Oct 04, 2018 at 8:24 PM
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Sep
28
Sep 28, 2018 at 8:45 PM

Posted on: Sep 27, 2018 at 8:39 PM

NANCY PLAYING THROUGH. FORE!
Yesterday we were playing 9 holes at the Estes Park Golf Course when the first tee was invaded by a herd of elk cows being watched over by a 12 point bull. Determined to play, Nancy lined up her shot though the elk hazard, between the bull and cows, past the pond where some were swimming, over the scat rough, onto the fairway for an opportunity at a close approach shot. We left the ball there and went on to the second tee.

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Sep
18
Sep 18, 2018 at 8:39 PM
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Aug
29
Aug 29, 2018 at 3:54 PM

Posted on: Aug 26, 2018 at 8:50 AM

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

I know there are legal briefs, but are there illegal briefs and is it against the law to wear them?

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Aug
23
Aug 23, 2018 at 6:02 PM
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21
Aug 21, 2018 at 8:11 PM
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Sep
16
Sep 16, 2018 at 5:43 PM

Posted on: Aug 13, 2018 at 8:55 PM

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

If not you, then who?

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Aug
01
Aug 01, 2018 at 9:32 AM
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Aug 01, 2018 at 9:29 AM
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Jul
27
Jul 27, 2018 at 9:20 AM
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Jul
28
Jul 28, 2018 at 7:01 AM

Posted on: Jul 24, 2018 at 9:29 PM

Being a Senior

I've been getting the AARP magazine for a number of years. When it first arrived I was horrified that a large national organization thought of me as senior material, old. Now I read it religiously for it's upbeat views of us relics. We are in our golden years, not encumbered by work, traveling the world, living healthy lives, etc. All good stuff. However one factor seems to be overlooked issue after issue. That factor is the generous quantity of urine I produce and expel every day. Fortunately the EPA has not caught onto me. Here's how it plays out.

I have to pee when I:

Finish an activity.
Start a new activity.
Change from one activity to another.
Change locations – indoor to outdoor.
Change clothes.
Change channels on the television.
Change the oil in my car.
Change my mind.
Fill the bird bath.
Flush the toilet – this seems to be a Catch 22.
Put on my shoes.
Take off my shoes.
Roll over in bed.
Lie stationary.
Talk on the phone.
Go shopping.
Start ….. be right back ….. typing on the computer.
Etc.

Is this normal?

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Jul
26
Jul 26, 2018 at 3:21 PM

Posted on: Jul 18, 2018 at 8:27 PM

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

A penny saved draws little interest.

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Jul
18
Jul 18, 2018 at 8:23 PM
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